She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
