But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
