Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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