I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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