legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
