Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
