All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
