Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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