Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
