I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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