in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
