I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
