I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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