Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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