good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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