why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
