Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
