what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
