I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
