I accidentally burped into my bong.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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