I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize