last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize