I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
