My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
