It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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