You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
