Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
