And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
