Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
