we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I enjoy the company of your penis
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
