doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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