I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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