I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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