yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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