He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
