It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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