Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
