Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
