We just shotgunned beers for America
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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