This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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