I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
