So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
