She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
