My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
