Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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