how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
