she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
