You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
