Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
