I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
