Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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