The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
