Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
