Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
