I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize