forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
