i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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