i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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