My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
