mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
