My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
