I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
