I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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