i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
