I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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