we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize